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While criticism is always going to be part of every aspect of our lives, it is particularly important to learn how to handle criticism at work.
Maybe you’ve had an experience like this:
You have worked long and hard on a project. It could be anything: writing a proposal for funding, creating a menu, planning a wedding, taking charge of a staff retreat…
You did the best job you could and you think it went pretty well. Other people also told you it went well, so you have reason to be proud.
Then your boss or your customer gives you a list (maybe written, maybe verbal, it’s a list either way) of all the things you could have done better.
At first glace it feels like a slap in the face. Weren’t they there? Didn’t they see what you produced? It was good. Excellent, even! They have a lot of nerve criticizing you.
The fact of the matter is, no matter what you do in life, you will be criticized for it. Whether you’re a writer, an artist, a designer, a chef, an executive, it doesn’t matter. No matter what career you choose, there will always be criticism.
The other fact is that people mean criticism in different ways. Let’s face it, some people will say mean things for no other reason than to make themselves feel better by making you feel bad. They are not worth your time and are not the people I am talking about here.
Check out this post on how to deal with difficult people at work.
Being criticized never feels good. It can make you feel judged, as though you’re not good enough no matter how hard you try. Most people’s reaction to criticism is to get defensive, make excuses, or blame someone else. None of those options is especially constructive. It’s better to plan ahead and actually get something out of the criticism that you know is going to come. Better to be prepared.
Do you know someone who needs help getting their first job? Check out this course.
Be Proactive
If you are about to complete a project, launch a product, host the long-planned event, or anything else, make an appointment to discuss it afterwards. Some companies call it a debriefing meeting.
A debriefing meeting is when the team (which usually includes those who worked on the project, some of those who experienced the project and those who had some management responsibilities over the project) have a formalized meeting to determine what went well and how the event, launch, etc., can be improved in the future.
Request a date and time for this meeting beforehand.
- By establishing this meeting yourself, you are making it clear that you are proactively interested in constructive feedback (rather than just reacting to whatever anyone says informally after the fact)
- These meetings actually can be very productive
- Always start with what went well. There will be lots of things. Probably the longest list will be of the things that went well
- Be sure to take notes that can be seen by and distributed to all
- Use most of the meeting to discuss what can be improved going forward. This is usually a very constructive, non-blaming experience that will give you lots of information that you and the team can use in the future. It’s a time to get ideas from other people in a non-threatening way. And it will make the next project/event/etc. go much more smoothly
Use Criticism for Personal Growth
Often, criticism has more than a grain of truth in it, even if it’s delivered a bit harshly. That’s partly why it makes us uncomfortable—deep down it rings true, even if we don’t want to admit it.
If we can get past the discomfort or anger, criticism can be a way for us to grow and develop insights that we might otherwise miss.
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Develop Emotional Resilience
Getting past the hurt and anger is often more easily said than done. Criticism usually comes laden with emotions. You feel shamed, upset, and attacked.
My best advice: Say, “Thank You for the feedback” and nothing else until you have had a chance to process the experience. Learning to embrace criticism can help you become more emotionally resilient as you learn how to sit with your uncomfortable emotions instead of blindly reacting.
Blindly reacting is the last thing you want to do. That almost always results in behavior that you don’t want to display at work. You can read more about handling anger at work here.
Instead, process the criticism and see if there is anything that you can learn or gain from it. Then, if you can go back to the other person, thank them for real and state what you learned, you reveal yourself as a very mature person who is always interested in doing the best possible work.
If you can’t get there yet, it’s ok. Just don’t do the blind reaction thing.
It can be helpful to remind yourself, as often as necessary, that this is feedback and is not personal. Everyone’s work can be improved.
Improve Relationships
Another benefit of calmly processing the feedback (rather than overreacting) is that you allow more space for openness, honesty, and better communication. People can talk to you about problems without feeling they have to walk on eggshells.
Embracing criticism makes for much better relationships as there are fewer barriers or ‘no go’ areas. You don’t want to be seen as prickly, difficult, or defensive, nor do you want to have your self-worth depend on other people’s good opinion of you.
Boost Self-Confidence
Embracing criticism will free you from the curse of perfectionism. None of us will ever be perfect (and we’d be really boring if we were).
What would happen if you were to say to those who are usually your biggest critics, “Hey, I’m pretty happy with the way [the project, event, etc.] went, but I know it can be improved. Can you tell me how it could have been better?” It’s very unlikely that you’ll get any meanspirited comments and you could get some very useful feedback.
And, you’ll get to practice your active listening skills. Repeat back what you heard and ask for clarification if necessary.
Your next project will go even better and you’ll look very impressive.
Criticism is a fact of life, and the sooner you learn to handle it positively, the better you can use that feedback for your own success.
