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We don’t get to pick our coworkers. We’ll like some, really dislike others, and won’t feel very strongly one way or the other about most.
And it doesn’t matter.
Whether or not we like them, we have to understand how to get along with coworkers
A customer or client entering a business or organization should not be able to tell which employees do or don’t get along with each other, or even which employees are good friends.
If you have a friend at work and you are able to go out to lunch together, enjoy! Once you’re back at work, it shouldn’t be obvious who your best friend is.
That’s because, at work, all staff need to behave in a professional manner, which means working well together without drama or overly personal communication.
Do you know someone who needs help getting their first job? Check out this course.
But let’s face it, sometimes a coworker will make you angry
I find that, at the end of the day, it’s better not to have said something I’ll regret, regardless of how good it might feel in the moment.
And you don’t ever want to put your anger in writing. See Handing Anger at Work and Email Etiquette at Work for more on this topic.
Why shouldn’t you react with anger if you believe the other person deserves it?
- You could lose our job
- Employers expect you to behave professionally no matter what. Inappropriate reactions and conversations are bad for business, no matter where you work. Even if the other person is completely in the wrong, your anger reaction will be the bigger issue and you are the one who will be blamed. It’s not worth it.
- It’s bad for the workplace, which affects you (assuming you’re still employed – see above)
- No one wants to work where there is a lot of tension. You can make it better or you can make it worse. Make it better. You’ll feel good about it and your colleagues will be appreciative.
So, now that we have established that you aren’t going to react with anger, either verbally or in writing, what are you going to do?
If you’re really angry at a coworker and can’t do your job without cooling off:
- Your parents and teachers have all told you to count to ten whenever you are angry. This is still good advice. Also, try to walk away from the person or people who are irritating you. You have a greater chance of not saying something you will later regret.
- I have been known to go sit in my car for a few minutes to decompress. Not an hour, just a few minutes. Then I can come back and be the person I need to be at work.
- When you are trying to compose yourself, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Perhaps there is something you did that is making them react in a hostile manner. Playback in your head, any interactions you had with that person and see if you did something to upset them.
You might not be able to do this right away but, once you’ve really calmed down, you might be able to see the issue from the other person’s perspective. Even if you still think they were wrong, you might be able to come up with a way to end the tension anyway.
Read When You Make a Mistake at Work, Even if it Isn’t your Fault for more on this.
All employers appreciate employees who can diffuse situations, whatever the cause. You could come out looking like the hero.
- As a last resort, you may need to approach your manager regarding the behaviors of some of your coworkers. I have had many employees approach me over the years regarding the behavior of others. These are the things you’ll need to keep in mind:
- If another employee’s behavior is causing harm to the business or a client, then you should speak up. It’s the right thing to do. In addition, if you don’t speak up and the harmful behavior comes to light, you could have a problem because you knew about it and didn’t say anything.
- An example: I had a nurse in a residential program who left the program during her overnight shift. She left and no one knew where she was. Once I found out, I asked the other staff members who had been in the building why they hadn’t let me know that the nurse had disappeared. (The nurse was fine, by the way, just choosing not to do her job.) Both staff members said they knew but did not have a good reason (or any reason) for not calling to let me know. Both received a write-up because they knew this was a dangerous situation (all the residents had significant medical issues) and didn’t say anything.
It is not a good idea to gossip at work about the coworker who is making you mad
That just brings other people into a bad situation and causes more tension in the work environment. Instead, go directly to the source.
If you need to have a difficult or uncomfortable conversation with somebody, your best bet is to cut to the chase. Go directly to the source and ask to have a mature discussion. Office politics tend to confuse and exacerbate the situation, and it’s much better to involve yourself directly with someone rather than engage in gossip beforehand.
If you decide to speak directly with your coworker, there should be only one goal: to be able to work together professionally.
Be Calm and Know Your Stance
Work environments can be stressful, but don’t let that disrupt your calm disposition. Going into a discussion with a sense of calm is really important. You may be taking a bold stance, and that’s perfectly fine. But you should make sure you stay calm about it and don’t get heated. Be confident that you know what you’re doing, and don’t let that change as the conversation begins to take form.
Remember Your “Why”
At the end of the day, you and all of your coworkers are there for the same reason. You’re not trying to disrupt the structure or success of the company, nor are you trying to stir up unnecessary drama. You all have a “why” or a reason to be there. Your job is important to you, so try to remember this throughout your conversation. You’re trying to work through this and talk it out because you want to improve things, not make anything worse.
Whether or not you decide to have a candid discussion with the coworker who is making you angry, remember that you can’t control anyone except yourself. In the end, it is your own behavior that will determine your success in the workplace, regardless of what anyone else is doing.
